1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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