I haven't been this sober since birth.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
