I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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