I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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