I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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