You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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