I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
