the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
