Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize
