I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
