Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Buhtt sex?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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