I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
