im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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