so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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