That's intense
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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