This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
