dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
