New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
