I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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