they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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