As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You made out with two different species that night
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
