I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
