is wine microwaveable?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
