I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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