Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He shit in the fireplace
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
