dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
