i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My breath smells like gin and sadness
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
