Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
