It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
