did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize