i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
