Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
