Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
