He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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