I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
