Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
