Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Enjoy the penises
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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