I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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