I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
zippers are such a cool invention
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
