You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
