and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I forget how to act sober
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
