you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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