i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
