saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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