so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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