i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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