just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
