All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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