you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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