wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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