My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
