Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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