dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize