Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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