I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize