That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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