if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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