i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
