So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
