I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
