The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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