I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
