I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
