is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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