Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize