Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
