I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
