That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
