I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
