Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize