I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
