You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize