So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
