I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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