Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
