I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
