First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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