Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
