That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
