I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Randomize
