So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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