Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
