in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
