I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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