at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
