I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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