this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
