Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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