I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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