I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize