forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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