sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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