I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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