Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize