I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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