nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize