john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
