my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
