Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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