My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
