Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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