i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
