so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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