i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
