We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My cat gives me a boner
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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